WORKPLACE GOALS
INFLUENCE IS LIKE A MAGNET
Pallavi Pinakin demonstrates how to win friends and influence other people
Dale Carnegie’s book titled ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People,’ which was published in 1936, has remained a worldwide bestseller for over 80 years – a sign that millions of people crave greater influence especially in the workplace.
A successful corporate trainer and self-improvement guru, Carnegie understood that influence is a subtle and complex force that goes far beyond one’s position in the office hierarchy. Some leaders may enjoy plenty of authority but little meaningful power beyond that. Conversely, others seem to wield immense influence no matter where they stand on the corporate ladder.
You might be familiar with the compelling character of Donna in the hit television show Suits. Despite being only an executive assistant at a law firm filled with high-powered Ivy League educated legal eagles, Donna is one of the most influential figures in and around the office. She plays a key role in persuading people, guiding events and shaping outcomes – in fact, she applies many of Carnegie’s lessons like a pro (perhaps a well-thumbed copy of his evergreen book lies on her bookshelf at home!).
Becoming more influential at work is a long-term endeavour that demands consistent effort – it is definitely not something you can accomplish overnight.
With that said, you can start taking simple steps towards your goal almost immediately. It won’t be long before you notice a widening of your sphere of impact and over time, your influence will grow in leaps and bounds. Once you achieve the level of power you desire, you’ll need to continue putting in time and energy to maintain it.
Here are some suggestions to kick off your personal quest to gain greater influence.
BE CURIOUS As Carnegie points out, “you can make more friends in two months by being interested in them than in two years by making them interested in you.” Cultivate a genuine interest in your colleagues. Take the time to ask open-ended questions, and get acquainted with their interests and priorities. Go beyond water cooler gossip and really get to know the other person (without being invasive, of course). And encourage them to open up and talk about themselves.
Author and leadership presence coach Carol Kinsey Goman explains: “I’ve found that when I speak with a successful executive, I get the feeling that he or she is wonderful – but when I speak with a charismatic leader, I’m made to feel that I am wonderful.”
LISTEN DEEPLY Being a sparkling conversationalist might win you admiration and envy but it won’t really help you nurture deep relationships. From ancient philosophers to modern leadership experts, empathetic listening has always been the cornerstone of garnering influence. People want to be heard as much as they like to be liked.
Moreover, listening carefully gives you a chance to gather valuable information. For instance, if you know your colleague is interested in a leadership workshop but hesitant to suggest her own name, you can nominate her for it. By doing so, you demonstrate your commitment to your colleague’s success and win her loyalty.
OPEN UP Return openness with openness. People are more likely to trust and respect you if you’re willing to share meaningful facets of your life with them. Be it joy, sadness or vulnerability, allow your colleagues a glimpse of who you really are.
Behavioural investigator Vanessa Van Edwards recommends sharing stories that don’t only show you at your best but also reveal your flaws – this will allow your audience to relate to you better. The human brain is made to respond to storytelling and a well narrated anecdote can significantly transform the way in which people see you.
Hand in hand with being open is the ability to apologise. The most successful influencers are quick to admit their mistakes when they find themselves genuinely in the wrong. This lends added credibility to their deeply held convictions in other situations.
NETWORK This can sometimes seem like an unnecessary or even manipulative activity. In fact, at its best, it is about building a reliable professional community bound by mutual respect and sharing. Being part of a robust network is one of the best ways to increase your influence in the domain of work. Instead of viewing networking as a selfish mercenary exchange of favours, try to see it as a potentially lifelong relationship – the more you invest in it, the stronger it grows.
Why not approach networking with a fresh perspective? Seek like-minded individuals beyond your immediate professional circle and ask yourself what you can do for them instead of what they could do for you.
Give of yourself generously and meaningfully – meaning your time, experience and wisdom. And when the time comes, you will be repaid in spades.
Knowing how to be friendly and influence people can also be a shield that can guide oneself to be aware and stay away from those who influence unduly or rather, exploit. Real influencers can be real friends.
There are supervisors who do not admit their fallacies but are ready to pass the blame to employees who are working under him or her or to other divisions of the organisation. In the event of an accomplishment, it is these supervisors who bag the credit and bask in the glory and publicity.
Such superiors are not true leaders building relationships and not good communicators but announce orders. They are not ready to listen to others and coworkers, stating that they are unable to do so, being busy. However, they ensure that they shine over the tireless efforts of others.
These guidelines form a litmus test. According to it, those who influence in the correct approach are those who have built reliability and trust among coworkers, and also who stand by them by admitting their mistakes, sharing their experience, work pressure and risks. Only they are positive influencers.
In networking, mutual interest can do wonders for influencing along with mutual respect. It is also the glue that binds members together in the respective fraternity, enabling the flow of mutual benefits between them.
In a given network, if each member contributes with genuine interest, it will be stronger and more sustainable for relationship building. It is believed that when a person has a knack and preference towards a particular strength or activity, the level of authenticity is much higher.
Moreover, effort that comes from within a person, combined with innate talent and excellence in performance or output cannot be matched to skill that is developed in an artificial setting. Undoubtedly, the person will be rewarded with reputation and satisfaction.
This will, without a doubt, land a person an opportunity where he can develop his skill, win the confidence of people for his talents and ability, and finally, influence people effortlessly.
We can consider Dale Carnegie’s book, which was authored in 1936 in the US. Putting these valuable ideas into practice in Sri Lanka after 82 years can encourage sensible thinking, thus adopting it for people and workplaces of today with many significant changes is commendable.
In the local context, when people reveal details about themselves and discuss them with others, most of them are unnecessary. People should not cross the line when dealing with others in workplaces. If people listen to others for the sake of eavesdropping or gossip, it raises doubts about building trust with people.
On the other hand, for those who are open with their strengths and weaknesses, it is better to know the culture of the workplace, atmosphere and personalities of employees beforehand, and how primitive or advanced they are.
For instance, although one may openly reveal his flaws, objections etc. this may not be perceived as authentic by the receiving party. As such, even though professionally communicated with integrity, he may accidentally run the risk of being rejected even though he should have been accepted in the first place. Having a good ear with a good mind can add many successful years in winning people the right way.