LEARN TO SAY ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’

Setting boundaries is an art that needs practice

BY Archana Law

Tell me if this is a familiar scenario: when asked to do something, you almost immediately agree even though it’s not something you want to do. Maybe it’s at work where you take on additional responsibilities even though you’re swamped. Or it could be that you agree to help a friend over the weekend but you’re overworked, tired and have family commitments.

As soon as you say ‘yes’ to this new responsibility and the pressure begins building up, you’ll start to think about the last time you helped this person and he or she didn’t seem to appreciate it! Maybe you lost sleep or money, or even had an argument with your spouse over it.

You begin to think of excuses, hoping it’s not too late to back out. But you also don’t want to break your word. Either way, you start to feel resentful, used, annoyed and unappreciated, and the relationship you have with this person suffers.

What’s worse is that nobody seems to understand and they end up advising or blaming you. The art of agreement (or lack thereof) invariably triggers a lively debate!

So how do you know when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no,’ set healthy boundaries, prioritise your wellbeing and live a more fulfilling life?

Saying ‘yes’ can open new opportunities and lead to exciting adventures or discoveries. And through these new opportunities and experiences, you can grow personally and professionally, build relationships and expand your horizons.

But you should say ‘yes’ only if you genuinely want to say it; as otherwise, it could result in resentment and stress, and eventually harm the relationship.

If you’re genuinely interested in the topic or request – or if it aligns with your values and goals – you could say ‘yes.’ This can help you grow and develop in ways that are important to you.

You could also say ‘yes’ if the result will promote positivity and growth, because it can help you and others around you thrive and feel motivated.

Saying ‘yes’ to requests that show kindness and support for others can help strengthen your relationships, and build trust as well.

The art of saying ‘no’ takes practice.

Many people struggle to say ‘no’ to a request for a variety of reasons – such as fear of conflict, not wanting to disappoint or worry others or simply because they feel guilty for turning down an opportunity.

Or maybe you follow the golden rule and help people because that’s what you’d want someone to do for you if you were in need. And because you keep your word, you don’t want to change your mind after committing to something.

You may be the type of person who is approached to put out fires. As an extreme case, you fear rejection or upsetting people you care about by saying ‘no.’

But you should definitely say ‘no’ when a request goes against your values and beliefs, and it’s important to maintain your integrity and self-respect; when it causes harm or stress to you or others; in the event it isn’t realistic or feasible; to avoid overcommitting or becoming overwhelmed; or when it interferes with your boundaries.

Say ‘no’ clearly, effectively and respectfully. Be honest, direct and clear about your reasons and intentions, rather than beating around the bush or making excuses.

If possible, offer alternative solutions that may be helpful or perhaps your assistance in the future when you have more time. Set boundaries by learning to say ‘no’ early on before overcommitting or accepting too much. Clearly indicating your schedule and mentioning what you are able to do is always helpful.

Practise empathy by understanding that saying ‘no’ may be disappointing to others but it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person for doing so. Don’t let guilt or shame dictate your decisions.

Saying ‘no’ can be difficult but it’s important to remember that it is a powerful tool for setting boundaries, and protecting your time and energy. When you say ‘no’ to something that doesn’t align with your values or goals, you create space for the things that matter.

This can help you reduce stress, and improve productivity and your wellbeing. Clearly communicating your needs involves setting limits on your work hours, prioritising self-care activities, taking a break from social media and avoiding any unrealistic expectations.

Finally, saying ‘no’ effectively requires a certain level of self-awareness. Knowing your values, priorities and limitations can help you make informed decisions about what to agree to and what to decline.

The other part comes from striking a balance with open-mindedness. As Sir Richard Branson famously declared, being open-minded enables individuals to take advantage of new opportunities and learn from others.

And American professor, author and podcast host Brené Brown says: “Daring to set bounda­ries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”