NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
HOW SUBTLE SIGNALS WORK
Pallavi Pinakin explains how to read and navigate nonverbal communication
The importance of speech is generally overrated when talking about effective communication. Of course, words are important but they’re definitely not the acme of human interaction. According to several studies, as much as 50-90 percent of communication is nonverbal in nature so what you do is as important as what you say.
Nonverbal communication includes all our behaviours and mannerisms, which we scarcely give a second thought to – the way we hold ourselves, how we sit or walk, our gestures and how we look at someone. Together, these wordless signals paint a compelling picture that may or may not be in sync with the words we utter.
We have all experienced situations where speech and body language are at odds. For example, you might be convinced that a friend is feeling low or upset even if he insists that ‘everything is fine.’ Or your colleagues may be able to pick up on your dislike of a client even though you’ve never verbalised those feelings.
Whether or not you realise it, you’re constantly sending out and receiving nonverbal cues. By fine-tuning this process, you can be a sharper communicator. Knowing how to both interpret and deploy body language effectively will help you express yourself clearly, build credibility, understand the feelings of others and connect more deeply with them.
HOW DO THEY LOOK? To get a better sense of what people are thinking, watch carefully. This is particularly helpful during tense situations whether it is in conflict resolution or business negotiations.
For instance, during a difficult conversation with a colleague, look out for signs of disagreement and unhappiness such as downcast eyes, a blank expression, or his or her body facing away from you. Erecting a barrier like folded arms or fingers positioned to create a steeple shape in front of the face can indicate defensiveness.
Nonverbal behaviour should be read and interpreted as a whole. A single gesture or body posture that is sustained for a few seconds isn’t sufficient to go on. Once you recognise these signs, you’ll be better equipped to address the situation appropriately. Or you may leave the meeting believing that everything worked out great even though the other person is left feeling unconvinced and upset.
HAVE YOU HEARD? Whether you’re delivering a team presentation or speaking at a conference, it’s important to know whether your audience is engaged. Keep an eye out for behaviour that signals boredom or indifference. These include staring into space, fidgeting, sitting in a slumped position, scribbling or doodling.
If you spot these signs, bring their attention back with a joke, story or question. You could also lean forward slightly as you reveal something important (a personal anecdote or game changing finding) to indicate that you’re taking listeners into your confidence. This is a good way to reignite their interest in you speech.
WHAT A FEELING! Did you know that what you believe to be gut instinct or just a feeling could be your mind picking up nonverbal cues?
For example, if you find yourself intuitively distrusting someone, it may be because you’ve subconsciously spotted certain red flags in his body language like shifty eyes, touching the face excessively while talking and so on. While these impressions aren’t always right, they’re definitely worth paying attention to and investigating.
YOUR BEST SELF Reading other people’s wordless signals is only half the battle. How about your own body language? Are your nonverbal cues aligned with your words? And do they project the image you desire?
Universally, the best posture is confident yet relaxed. For instance, stand or sit straight with your hands by your side. Avoid placing your hands on your hips (it makes you seem aggressive) or slouching (which makes you look insecure or lazy). Similarly, ensure your handshake is firm and not limp or crushing. A handshake is considered a minor bond between two people.
BUILDING TRUST To communicate trustworthiness, nothing is quite as effective as good eye contact. Hold the other person’s gaze for a little while and look away every now and then to break the monotony.
Continuous eye contact may be interpreted as staring; it could make the other person uncomfortable. In addition, be careful not to touch your face excessively while talking as this is associated with dishonesty and craftiness.
A great way to create good rapport is through mirroring – i.e. adopting a position or demeanour similar to that of the other person. So if they sit down, take a seat yourself; and smile if they laugh. Mirroring sends the message that you’re an ally and ready to forge a meaningful connection. But be careful not to replicate the behaviour exactly as it could be mistaken for mimicry!
The issue with nonverbal cues is that in many instances, they can be interpreted in the opposite way.
In a typical Sri Lankan society, when a person throws striking words and wears a big smile, he is presumed to be worthwhile. This type of assimilation tricks the receiving party. The latter is likely to overrate and be overconfident with that smile and big words.
When a person is not being genuine, at times this may not be captured by his gestures. The disingenuousness can be disguised and covered up with the gestures he makes. This is where drama takes over especially in the political arena. Also, this is the reason why the unsuitable are affirmed to positions that are truly beyond their limits.
On the contrary, when an employee provides feedback regarding an official matter, his superior may be more inclined to read the body language incorrectly. Without mutual understanding and poor interrelationships between coworkers, even a grievance of an exhausted employee may be wrongly interpreted by management.
Nonverbal communication is one tool. I recommend that people analyse based on the entirety or it can lead to miscommunication and poor judgement.
It is said that when we speak, over 65 percent of communication is nonverbal. Body language constitutes a major portion and significant weight of our communication.
When people form impressions of us within a few minutes, nonverbal signals play a key role in this. Each person has a distinctive set of ideas, beliefs and cultures of doing things and behaving. Therefore, one can argue that the substance of what we speak influences a great deal in the formation of opinions in interpersonal communication.
However, the issue is as mentioned before. When people express their viewpoints, it does not guarantee that they wholeheartedly mean it, are trustworthy and walk the talk. Judging a person on values and morals is the most difficult task; should there be a qualification for this, it would be even more daunting than reading for a PhD.
This is where nonverbal communication become important. Our brains should process what we see and feel, and most of all the gut feeling acts as a moderator to define how we should judge and deal with a person. Sometimes, if the other person is comfortable with our body language, he may change his defensive approach and be more adaptable.
So it is best to have your body language in the universal manner and be calm. If required, modify it to sell or protect yourself – be it a presentation, clinching a deal or any other thing that adds to your image and persona.