THINKING BEYOND THE MYTHS

Pallavi Pinakin finds that hard boundaries between work and life are stressful

For years, the accepted recipe for happiness has been a separation of professional and personal lives. People are advised to create hard boundaries between office and home, to enjoy a happy and healthy lifestyle. However, recent research suggests that this formula doesn’t work for everyone.

In fact, many people end up feeling more stressed and exhausted due to such a strict separation. So is it time to revisit our idea of work-life balance and come up with an alternative approach?

COGNITIVE DRAIN A study conducted across the US found that out of sight doesn’t necessarily mean out of mind. When you are engaged in one role but having thoughts of another, you’re experiencing cognitive role transition.

For example, you’re working on a presentation when you suddenly start thinking about buying a birthday gift for a friend. Or you’re having dinner with your family when a team related concern suddenly pops up in your mind.

Every such transition costs brainpower and energy as it takes effort to push rogue thoughts out of the way. Interestingly, the more rigidly you try to separate your work and personal lives, the more depleted you are by such transitions.

The study also found that people with more flexible boundaries experience more cognitive role transitions but are less drained by them. It is easier for them to push away the interrupting thought and get on with whatever they’re doing.

COMBINE SPHERES The findings suggest that integrating (rather than separating) work and personal lives could be a better way forward. Researchers advise us to avoid setting up inflexible boundaries in the workplace.

In fact, it’s okay for employees to take a couple of phone calls from home. It’s fine to let your mind wander a bit and think about your kids’ school schedule or that party this weekend. Actually, these concessions will cause far less disruption to performance.

Take the integration mantra home as well. For some people, vacation time means switching off completely from work and seeking a blissful escape. For others, being totally cut off may turn out to be more stressful. If you fall into the second category, create a small window for work while on vacation. Set aside 15 minutes a day to go through emails or check in with someone in the office – this could make your holiday a lot more enjoyable.

PERFECT BALANCE Let’s face it, there’s never going to be a time when home, work, self and community are perfectly balanced. The nature of life is that different aspects will be in the spotlight at different times.

If you’re in a phase where work is taking precedence, how do you keep it from affecting your relationship with family and friends? Managing the craziness comes down to communication. It’s crucial to have a frank and compassionate discussion with the people who are important to you.

Start by providing context and purpose. Why are you allocating more time and energy to work right now? And what are you hoping to achieve?

When talking to family, it’s important to explain how the positive impact will contribute to your collective priorities. Then ask your loved ones how this extra focus on work might affect them, listen carefully and don’t dismiss their concerns.

Tell them that you are sorry about the things you’re going to miss and the stress it’s going to cause. For instance, if you can’t accompany your kids to sports practice, apologise for missing out on this time together and to your partner for the additional strain on his or her schedule.

Finally, work together to find ways through which you can compensate for your absence.

For example, if you need to work late over the coming months, you may have to give up the ritual of having dinner with the family. Is there something else you could do together on weekends, instead?

Maybe you could organise an outdoor family meal every Saturday such as a picnic in the park, dinner on the beach, barbecue in the backyard etc. Be creative and open to new ideas, and find alternatives that are fun for everyone.

DEFINE SUCCESS ‘Balance’ simply suggests an equitable division of time between work and one’s personal life. But time on its own isn’t a satisfactory measure of meaningfulness, which is different for each individual.

What’s your idea of personal success?

For instance, you may find it rewarding to begin each day by having breakfast with your partner or being there for your kids’ birthday parties, sports events and other milestone moments. Prioritise these items as you would do a client presentation or board meeting.

Similarly, identify your primary work goals. Do you want to make a difference, make money, learn and grow, explore your passion or climb the corporate ladder? Knowing your personal version of success will help you create a work-life balance that best suits you.