TRANSFORM YOURSELF

How to change your outlook
BY Archana Law

Writer and athlete Jean-Paul Bédard wrote: “The most transformative times of my life have always come when I had the faith to let go of what I’d always thought was right in the hope that I’d find a better right! Simply willing change in life is not sufficient – there are a few critical habits to foster so that this transformation can enter our lives.”

When we feel we’re at a crossroads, there’s fear, uncertainty and self-doubt, as we try to convince ourselves that we have the patience and courage to make some changes. Admitting we may not have all the answers makes us vulnerable and defensive.

Though staying put can be riskier than changing – whether it has to with our careers, personal lives, relationships or workplaces – we risk being left behind if we don’t continue to grow.

These topics are usually treated separately. There’s ‘change management’ guidance for executives, ‘self-help’ advice for individuals and ‘change the world’ tips for activists. However, all change efforts have something in common: someone has to start thinking, feeling and acting differently.

Using the metaphor ‘cheese’ to represent what is important to us – whether it’s our jobs, health or relationships – writer Dr. Spencer Johnson emphasises that change is a constant and can’t be avoided. His book ‘Who Moved My Cheese?’ is about four characters who live in a maze, love cheese and demonstrate different behaviours when the cheese disappears.

While two of them enthusiastically head out into the maze to find new cheese, the others feel betrayed and waste their time, complaining and hoping the old cheese will return. The message is that ‘the quicker we adapt to change, the more comfortable and satisfied we will be.’

There are hard changes (such as quitting smoking) and easier changes (like buying a new home or securing a job) that we encounter in life. Simply willing change isn’t enough; to achieve transformation, there are a few critical habits that need to be adopted. Here’s a guide…

SELF-TALK As the father of American psychology William James said, “the greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

So try silencing negative self-talk and replacing it with a much healthier guiding principle: ‘What would I do if I wasn’t scared?’ Instead of sabotaging ourselves by being our own worst enemy, we can become great advocates for change by simply changing our perspectives.

PERCEPTIONS From proverbs to Pinterest, the world is brimming with messages that convey a simple truth about humanity. It says people can’t truly change – like leopards can’t change their spots! But in reality, it’s a matter of turning over a new leaf.

American psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck demonstrated that people tend to have a favourite ‘go-to’ belief or theory about change. Even though these implicit beliefs are in our head, they affect how we interpret the world and have dramatic effects on our actions.

The process of change always begins with thoughts, feelings and actions. Your perception is the personal lens through which you view your version of reality. But for any given experience, there could have been other versions – better or worse – if your lens had been different.

Therefore, your aim is to learn to adjust your lens so that what you focus on, assume and believe serve you.

SUPPORTERS It is important to realise the need to jettison the naysayers in your life and replace them with a close-knit team of people (mentors, believers and visionaries) who nurture your soul. To ‘dare greatly’ – as author Dr. Brené Brown invites us to do – is to have role models and unconventional thinkers, who can help us make room for change and transformation.

Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho reminds us that “when we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change. At such a moment, there’s no point pretending that nothing has happened or saying that we’re not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.”

REASONS Whether we are trying to lose weight, change jobs or let go of bad habits, we’re all changing. The question is: how motivated are we to change? We are all at different places… and each of those places is okay.

What’s the real reason you want to change? What do you hope to gain as a result of making changes?

Often, certain behaviours, thoughts or feelings that we don’t like and don’t want to express are at the root of our desire to change. Break out of old and unhealthy habits by gaining the courage necessary to confront what you want to avoid.

American philosopher Angela Davis observed: “I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I’m changing the things I cannot accept.”