WORTHY CONFIDANTS

CEOs should choose confidants wisely
BY Jayashantha Jayawardhana

Regardless of the prestige and privileges that come with the corner office, the chief executive officer or CEO is often the most isolated and protected employee in an organisation. Few people give him or her unfiltered information and many deliberately conceal certain aspects from them.

Due to this isolation, even veteran CEOs need to talk to someone in the organisation about issues and experiences. Which is why they tend to cultivate a close bond with a colleague they believe is trustworthy.

Few bosses speak openly about these relationships, perhaps because they’re reluctant to reveal their reliance on others. But in business and politics, most leaders count on the advice and opinions of a confidant.

Even the most efficient chief executives like to find a person who will bolster their strengths and enhance their effectiveness. While he was CEO of Microsoft, Bill Gates had Steve Ballmer as his confidant. Similarly, business tycoon Warren Buffett turned to the late Vice Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway Charles Munger for advice.

Buffett penned this poignant note in the first annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway’s shareholders, following Munger’s passing: “Charlie never sought to take credit for his role as creator but instead, let me take the bows and receive the accolades. In a way, his relationship with me was part older brother, part loving father. Even when he knew he was right, he gave me the reins; and when I blundered, he never – ever – reminded me of my mistake.”

Psychoanalyst and author of ‘Worse Than Enemies: The CEO’s Destructive Confidant’ Kerry Sulkowicz wrote in the Harvard Business Review (HBR): “I have found that many CEO-confidant relationships function very well. These confidants serve their leaders and keep the CEOs’ best interests at heart.”

He continued: “They derive their gratification vicariously through the help they provide, not for any personal gain, and are usually quite aware of the potential for abusing their access to the CEOs’ innermost secrets.”

However, Sulkowicz adds: “Unfortunately, almost as many confidants end up hurting, undermining or otherwise exploiting CEOs when they are at their most vulnerable. These confidants rarely make the headlines; but behind the scenes, they do enormous damage to the CEO and the organisation. What’s more, the leader is often the last person to know when and how the confidant relationship became toxic.”

Sulkowicz identifies three main types of destructive confidants based primarily on their nature or behaviour.

REFLECTOR The ‘reflector’ mirrors the CEO, constantly reassuring him or her that he or she is the ‘fairest CEO of them all’; the ‘insulator’ buffers the chief exec from the organisation, preventing critical information from getting out and in; and the ‘usurper’ cunningly ingratiates him or herself with the boss in a desperate bid for power.

Typically, CEOs are narcissistic – it’s an essential ingredient of leadership. Bosses with the best confidant relationships have a healthy dose of narcissism, and their confidants offer both positive and negative feedback. They lift flagging spirits, and encourage them to achieve balance and creativity.

But some CEOs need to be constantly flattered. Largely inclined to be grandiose and susceptible to slights, these leaders have a hard time facing facts and tend to surround themselves with ‘yes men’ who keep feeding them with illusions.

These confidants are reflectors and they know how to make a narcissistic CEO feel good – and they do so without any scruples, irrespective of what it costs the organisation.

INSULATORS This type of confidant typically serves as a mediator between a CEO and his or her organisation.

Leaders who need insulators tend to be abrasive or abusive, and lack the emotional intelligence needed to prevent them riding roughshod over the feelings of employees. As a result, they often find themselves at loggerheads with their subordinates, senior executives and board members.

To compensate for that, they seek insulators who are willing to justify and defend self-destructive moves by the CEO. Insulators are a breed of rescuers with passive personalities who look harmless.

But over time, they cause harm to the CEO and the organisation. For one thing, since insulators have more influence over CEOs than their formal rank implies, they’re generally not held accountable for their actions.

USURPERS In contrast to reflectors and insulators, usurpers are studiedly scheming. Whether at work or in their personal lives, they only stay long enough in relationships to have their needs met.

When they feel that people are no longer gratifying their desires, usurpers will abruptly end the relationship. These confidants are sociopaths who are hell-bent on empowering themselves at any cost.