MAKING SENSE OF SMALL TALK

Manilka Ediriweera explains why chit chat can be less than daunting

For some of us, the thought of small talk is enough to make us break into a cold sweat. After all, there’s only so much you can comment on the weather before you’re left scrambling for something to say to fill that awkward silence!

The thing about chit chat is that it can feel forced, superficial or simply draining if you haven’t mastered the art of it. And when the dreaded ‘What am I supposed to say next?’ moment hits, it’s definitely not fun!

But guess what? Small talk doesn’t have to be meaningless and draining. In fact, it can be a perfect entry point to meaningful conversations and connections.

So how do we make that happen?

By not avoiding small talk and becoming genuinely curious!

It’s about actively listening, paying attention to what excites people and asking thoughtful follow-up questions without overthinking your next sentence. When you care about what the other person is saying, the conversation will flow without feeling forced or robotic.

So if you feel your game of chit chat is a little rusty, here are some tips to master the art of small talk – and turn even the most basic conversation into something more fun, natural and meaningful.

Firstly, stop thinking of small talk as an annoyance. While we all love to complain about how awkward and pointless it can be, the bad reputation it has isn’t entirely justifiable.

If you walk into a conversation thinking ‘this is going to be terrible,’ it most probably will. That’s because your mindset can be everything. So instead of dreading chit chat, try flipping the script – and when you’re next at an event, challenge yourself to reframe your mindset.

Look at small talk as a skill and not a fixed personality trait. If you are willing to practise (despite the mistakes and awkwardness), the better you could be at it.

One of the main reasons why small talk can feel painfully awkward is because we don’t know where to begin and what sensible questions to ask.

So what do we do? We resort to run-of-the-mill openers such as ‘How are you?’ and ‘What do you do?’

More often than not, the responses to these questions will be one word answers, which will kill the conversation even before it has a chance to begin. Instead of setting yourself up for a dead-end conversation, ask open-ended questions about subjects that interest you, a new movie that’s being screened or the latest restaurant in town.

If you want to be more prepared, keep five or six questions ready, which you can go back to when engaging in conversations with others.

And if you feel that jumping into a question is too much or too early, try making an observation instead. You could always comment positively on some­thing personal such as an outfit, which is a sure-fire way to hint at a shared interest.

If you opt for a classic conversation starter such as ‘How was your weekend?’, try to make it more open-ended by asking what the highlight of those two days was.

Listen, show genuine interest and be an active participant in the conversation. Effective communication – whether it’s small or deep talk – is similar to a game of tennis, which calls for active participation by both sides.

What does this mean for you?

Well, you have to listen like you mean it, share your thoughts, respond thoughtfully and ask good follow-up questions.

When someone drops a small piece of information, don’t let it float by. Dig in and ask about it. You can even share your own experiences, and turn that tiny piece of information into an engaging and enjoyable conversation.

After all, people love to be heard. When you show genuine curiosity, the other person will naturally want to keep the conversation going.

If you are at the other end and someone is asking you questions, build on your responses. Don’t reply with monosyllabic answers when someone inquires about your weekend. Add an iota of information. Perhaps talk about something you did – because that one additional sentence can give the other person so much to work with.

Chit chat is meant to be light and entertaining rather than an interrogation. As a good rule of thumb, you can begin by keeping things context appropriate and simple – because no one wants to start a conversation by speaking about their greatest fears.

In addition, you should also steer clear of personal topics such as someone’s background, appearance and anything that could come off as too strong. Keep the chit chat friendly, open-ended and casual, if you want to turn it into something special.

Avoid making things weird and accept moments of silence comfortably. Moments of silence are normal and doesn’t mean that you’re bad at small talk.

But if you feel like the conversation isn’t going anywhere (perhaps all you’re getting is one word answers), you should politely wrap it up and exit gracefully.

Steer clear of personal topics